It’s interesting that when I’m unwell, like I am now - and I mean, physically, with some sort of bug or cold or virus or whatever this is (I’ve had a rough couple of days) - I don’t feel guilty about staying in bed or not getting stuff done. It’s like, it’s ok because it’s ‘real’, and people can see it. I have a real excuse. If it carries on too long then nobody would think I was being silly or weak by going to see a doctor, or think less of me for taking any medication I was given by them. Nobody would tell you not to take something you’ve been prescribed for a physical illness. Nobody would think it’s strange that I’m taking paracetamol because my head hurts, my eyes hurt, my body aches.
So, it’s strange and a bit sad that in this day and age I feel so guilty all the time when I’m unwell in a way that other people can’t see. On days when I can’t get out of bed or get anything done because I’m not well because of mental health issues, I feel guilty, because I should just pull myself together and get on with it, right? I shouldn’t feel like I do? I should be ‘more productive’…even though it’s no different to being physically unwell. I’ll get a funny look if I go to the doctors, I’ll get people telling me that psychiatric medication is unnecessary. The guilt that I am made to feel for suffering from depression and anxiety makes it all so much worse, too. People getting annoyed or having a ‘get over it’ attitude only makes me more unwell, and I beat myself up so much for something that isn’t my fault. Because, believe it or not, nobody wants to feel like that. It’s not intentional, just like this bug or whatever it is I currently have isn’t something I asked for, or something I can just pretend I don’t have.
So, it’s sad that today I feel like I have an excuse, because I’m not very well, when the reality is that I haven’t been very well for a long time.
Yes yes yes to this post. Guilt can make things so much worse. Thinking of you, bud <3